And other tall tales…
So, I wasn’t haven’t a great week anyway. I’m working on writing my third book and it’s a long, hard slog. I’ve been feeling demotivated by this. I’ve haven’t worked on any new dress patterns and I’ve not sewn up any fab new dresses recently. This is mainly due to environmental guilt – I feel like I am adding to the consumerist mountain of material possessions. Therefore taking a bit of an enforced breather from the crafting, even though I thoroughly love it. The book is different as it’s only available in digital format – still trash you might say, but at least it’s not ending up in landfill.
Enough moaning – back to the nitty gritty of why I started this inane post. It was a humid summer evening last night, and I was reading lifestyle blogs as people are wont to do before going to sleep. The I get a notification on my phone – a message! My friend’s sister wrote a book (a proper one, paperback and sells on Amazon) some months ago with a new angle on feminism. She’s been invited to present it at the House of Commons next week. My friend was obviously really proud of this achievement.
I should be too, right? And I am – it’s a good topic. The thing is, the overriding emotion was that of emptiness and lacking. I know it’s awful to focus on myself when I should be feeling nothing but happiness and excitement for her success. She is only a few years older than me but her success (I feel) highlights and brings to the fore my shortcomings and failures. I don’t feel that I have achieved enough when I compare myself to her. I didn’t actively make the decision to use her as a yardstick against which to measure my success and worthiness as a person. It just happened. At this moment, my life seems to lack direction and purpose. I’m not doing anything ‘big’ like her, not being seen out and about, not in the political world, not taking a noticeable and meaningful stance on issues such as feminism or racism. I’m just living my life, typing away, going to my office jobs, sewing the occasional dress.
Well, the only thing to have come out of this mind funk so far is the motivation to write this post.