Surviving in an Extravert World

The masks we wear…

Do you try to hide the fact that you’re an introvert to blend in? I have tried but without any great success. It’s too much a part of me, and no matter what mask I put on to hide it, it’s obvious who I am.

This seems to be in stark contrast to a friend of mine, who visited me last summer. We grew up together, but his life took a hugely successful trajectory leading him into the world of financial services, six figure salaries, a wife and kids. They moved to Singapore a long time ago now, to follow his career and I think he enjoys his life there very much. Growing up I think we were only friends because he was introvert and shy too. We weren’t close friends but managed to stay in contact throughout our adult lives.

He told me a little about the ex-pat community living and working in Singapore. They go out a lot, drink a lot, and play hard. I don’t know if that’s typical, or just for his circle of acquaintances. I also ask what is was like working in financial services sector. He described that he works hard to put on this mask of being extravert to fit in with everyone else there. It’s one way to ensure success, ensure you are treated as one of the team ensure you’re in mind when promotions are up for grabs. At work, he’s chatty, sociable. I was so surprised to hear when he said that afterwards, he feels exhausted and simply has to have time on his own to recharge, get away from the buzz and noise. The whole thing completely drains him. What was even more surprising was that he admitted that he felt this way even when meeting friends, even meeting me one-on-one for a coffee.

I’ve always been envious of his success. Don’t get me wrong – I’m happy for him – I just wish I could have achieved as much as he has done. As were grew up together, it makes it easy to compare myself to him. He networks all the time, and makes use of the connections from that. He seems to be able to make friends wherever he goes. He manages teams and projects. I thought all these skills came naturally to him but in reality they’re not really a part of who he his. It’s a persona he’s been crafting and honing since he was young. It’s helped him to advance in his career, whereas I’m stuck in a junior position. (I’ll add the caveat that career isn’t everything – his work comes with a lot of stress and little time for life outside of work. I work in a junior position and what I earn is a drop in the ocean for him. However I like to remind myself it means I sleep at night and have time to do things like writing this blog.)

I wonder how many people I’ve met and envied have actually been shy introverts hidden behind a mask of extraversion?

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